The Reality of it is....

Men will never really understand.

I went to visit my parents earlier this week after work...
Of course sporting the all natural look- NO makeup.
This wouldn't be the first time my dad tells me I need to take better care of myself.
But thankfully my lovely aunt Melanie was there to listen in to our conversation.
In which my dad made the very BIG mistake to say that having a baby was NO
excuses for not getting ready... That my only excuses was that I was LAZY!!!

And then the discussion got heated


So this post might be a little more serious then others but I figured It about time that we are honest.
NOTHING in this world has been more amazing then to be a mommy of a beautiful and loving little girl. NOTHING bets being Kais mom. I have felt guilt for feeling the way I have after Kai was born. I kept thinking.... " I love her sooo much and look at this little blessing, Why then do I feel so blue" I felt like a bad mom for having the baby blues. It was awful. Even now just writing about it, im scared that people will that that I am not a good mom now. But trust me Kai is loved and She is actually what makes me so happy. I just hope that if someone else feels the way I have that they know that they are NOT the only ones. :)

My dad  talked about how we( women) are not the only ones that have to deal with what we feel. That husband and partners also are going through it with their wives. Which is totally true...

But there is NO way a man will know what it is like.

My body changed. 

I dont fit into anything

and my image of myself changed 

Getting ready in the morning is no Joy... 

for me its quit the nightmare. 

Im not lazy,

I work full time + some.

I come home to try and clean and prepare things for the next day.

I spend time with my baby and then I get her ready for bed 

I spend time with my husband and then I am tired. ready for bed. 

Sometimes I got visit family so Kai can spend time with them.

Sometimes I go grocery shopping

Sometimes I work a few more hours at home. 

I do my best to do everything I can. 

I dont feel lazy. I fell sad about what i look like now. 

I feel sad that I dont have all this time to do all the things I want.

I feel stressed to make sure things are done. 

And when they are not, I feel bad 

bad that Juan had to do it for me. 

I feel sad that sometime I cant seem to do all that Juan needs me to do

I feel sad the days I have to leave Kai with family 

I feel sad also when I take Kai to work and she has to sit on her bumbo

Or chill on the floor well mommy works.. 

Its a lot to do. 

I wasnt sure that what I was feeling was validated until Melanie chimed into our conversation. She understood. She knew what I was going through. She was right there with me. We arent Lazy.. we are just moms doing our best this moment.

I love her. She validated all I was feeling. Understood. Said it was ok. Im not a bad mom. It happens to a lot of moms. But then she said something that changed me....

" your fine to feel this. You gained weight. You dont fit in your clothes. You dont feel pretty. You feel you arent fulfilling everyone's needs. And that is ok. You can feel that. But as a mom your daughter is looking at you."

All of a sudden I realized who I am ... This whole time I had forgotten that Kai will watch my every move. If I am insecure about who I am how will I be able to teach her that she is loved no matter what she looks like? And all of a sudden I forgot about my feelings... Although they are real and ok to feel... I found a reason to not feel that way... Kai will love me no matter if I fit in my size one jeans or not. But if I show her that I like who I am, She will love who she is.

Anyway. Thanks Melanie... It was an eye opening moment for me. and I love you for that.

Yours Truly,

Confessions on an unsuspecting mom..

Lets be honest here..... Motherhood is AWESOME... But there are things that or not to glorious. I remember watching my mom  and saying to myself....

"No I wont go through that. Im Young!"

HA!!!!!!!

Yeah... "glamour does not discriminate!

1) I thought that my bladder was weak because I had a baby in there.... But no such luck.. Its now just weak. I need to go and I NEED TO GO. There is no time to hold it or wait. IT IS NOW!

2) I laughed when we would go out to eat and my mom would eat spicy food and next thing you know she was running to the bathroom.... My tummy cant do spicy anymore... But do you think I listen?

3) My Hips are wide... Yep. I lost a lot of the baby fat, but I doubt I will EVER fit back in my size 1 Jeans.

4) My house is hardly ever clean a full day. AND SHE DOESNT EVEN WALK YET! but there is the car seat, They diaper, The Bumbo, The swing and the many of clothes, and so on and so on.

5) it hard to shop for myself now. Its all about what I can get Kai. I need new shoes.. but what do I walk out with??? Gap clothes for her when she is ONE! gezzz I have a problem.

6) I LOVE to hear people tell me how cute she is! So not to brag... but seriously... guy from Jiffy Lubb-"OMG that is one cute baby" Teenage boys at the mall- " thats a cute baby" other teenage boy responses- " NO its not, no baby is cute" he looks down - " O ok I guess this one is really cute"

7) So.. this might be graphic, But its true... your boobs get saggy.. :( I didn't want to believe it. But it happens. That is why Juan and I have made an agreement of sorts... I will give him cute babys... and he will pay for my boob job when they child bearing is done.

8) The nice hair, nice nails, pretty skin glow ( although im sure i never had that glow) Is over.

9) Getting to excursus is hard.. I work full time so once I get home all I want to to TRY to pick up the house and spend some mommy baby time. And then some Mommy daddy time.. No time for Me....

10) ummm Life is just changed.. For the better with a few... bumps.

Your Truly,

MMM love the heat

Our A/C is out......

Yep out!

And it is hot. 

Juan had no idea what he is doing, nether does my dad... So now we wait to see what we can get done... 

But hey 

Isnt she cute even when she is sweaty? 

 ...

O Looks like its working... Just frozen pipes. 

Yours Truly,

Im up, im up

Its 3 am and I am up. When Kai was born I thought I would never sleep again. Everyone told me to say good bye to sleep. So when she was born April 7th I said fair well to my good night sleeps and prepared to be awake all night. But I got lucky. Kai would wake up at 12 then at 3 and slept nice and sound for three hours so I could get some rest. That only lasted about a month. May 12th Kai slept through the night!! And since then Kai gets to bed anywhere between 9-10 and wakes up at 6 on the dot and I bring her into bed with me where she gets her binky and she sleeps another hour with us and then eats at seven. So far we have been blessed that she sleeps so well at night and sleeps in her crib in her room. We ave set aside one night a week were we have her sleep with us... not for her benefit but for ours :)  Its been amazing.

But tonight I am up. Im in our living room watching TV. I thought I would watch some show im behind on as I set with a fussy Kai, but as soon as I flipped to Disney channel where Little Einsteins was playing, Kai was quiet. So I had no other option then to watch that with her.

Point being... Kai sleeps at night.... Yet tonight has been rough. Before bed she was fusssssssy. I thought it might be that SHE JUST GOT HER EARS PIERCED yesterday! ( Side note- Kai got her pearl earrings in yesterday and she looks soo cute! half of me hates how grown up she looks now but the other half loves it!) So we gave her tylenol and she fell asleep!JOY. But about thirty min ago she woke up Screaming, I brought her to bed and she wont fall asleep... Fussy rolling around, grunting, and cant seem to find her happy spot. So I brought her out so Hubby can sleep.

I think she is teething. I feel its too soon she is just three months, but She grabs her ears when she has the binky and eats, she has her full hand, if not both hands, deep in her mouth, she is fussy and seems unhappy... Could it be? aggg... she really is growing fast. :( Any remedies for fussy teething babes?... I get a feeling we are in for a lot. How will I know if it is teething? I dont want to get her tylenol if she is just fussy... but I want to give it to her if she is teething... So much to learn as a first time mommy... Looks like she might have finally feel asleep... My poor poor baby.

Yours Truly, 

The love of a mother.

... She changes every day. She is getting so big , and Im not sure where time has gone. Three months exactly to the day. I cant stop taking pictures of her every moment. She makes all these funny faces. and each time she does the face its always  a little different. And I can't miss a single moment of it. :) I am fully and absolutely in love with little bundle of pooping joy. The kitchen is a mess, evidence that my family was here for bachlorette night is all over the living room but Im sitting here in silence in my room listing to her in her room as she rocks herself to sleep. The is no better sound at night then the humming and lip smacking and occasional loud AH from Kais room. She is perfect. I know its cheesy. But it changes you. The moment you hold that baby.. you are changed. Nothing is the same. I knew I loved Juan, but now I know that I really love him.

She is such  a daddys girl... Which makes me jelouse  .... but most of all it swells my heart up. I see the way she looks at him, the way she smiles at him when he isnt looking, the way she follows him around the room and the pure joy of seeing him. :)

I swear I would never ever be a chessy lame mom. But I see my little gal and I cant help but be just that!
Love baby Kai... your perfect..

Yours Truly,

Kaden Diaz de Leon

Kaden is soon to be three weeks tomorrow and Kai will the three MONTHS tomorrow!!! Wow it really flies by soo quick. Anyway I was able to go take a few pictures of Kaden last week for his two weeks. His cute little lion hat was made by Abuelita Irma and his cute face was made by Stephanie and Luis. :) I never could imagine how much I would love this little guy. I figured I would have my own little gal and that I obviously would love him but not as much as I now know that I do. He was my very FIRST nephew. I married into all my other Nieces and Nephews but Kaden was born after we got married. Its special. I find myself looking at stuff for Kai at stores but never leave unless I take a look see to see if there is anything cute for him. I really hope Kai and Kaden are best friends like Andres and I were. ( Sleep overs, Late night Halo marathon, Walking home from school together, bear lake trips..)


Look at this cute little Blondie...

His cute little sad face melts my heart

Luis is such a loving daddy. Kaden is one lucky boy 

I cant wait tell they both are running around creating havoc for the rest of us.  

Yours Truly, 

4th of July!!!

Who doesnt like fourth of July! Having Kai has given me a new love for family traditions. & I now want to start all our family traditions. :)

Five am Andrea Kai and I were on Center street saving our spots for the parade. Which Kai slept through most of. We then headed to a park where we talked about the crazy stuff our cousins in Florida have done. Mate is sooo big and Kai reminds me so much of him. We went home to my parents when my dad broke is toe and we then had a family party with all sorts of Fireworks. All in all it was a nice simple day with family :) but I loved every minute with Kai and Juan.

Kai slept through the fireworks that sleepy head...

Yours Truly,