Luz

Light.... for those of you who dont know spanish...
Luz means light.

Its never happened before but I got the first and possibly the last chance to work at home this morning due to power outage. I still had to return by 8 to drop of all the information I had gathered through out the night.

I hear something familiar .. something I knew well, but in my daze of nice nap, I didnt  take the time to process. Juan wakes up in a panic to check his phone..... "My grandma just died"..

Explaining the overwhelming sadness I felt is impossible. Not for me... not for my husband as much... but more for his mom. Now the familiar muffed sound coming from the living room was making sense. Those were the sad cries of someone who lost something they loved...

Im not much good when it comes to people in pain. Adults in pain. I never know what to do. But I hugged my hubby. I held him close and told him how sorry I was.... I knew nothing I could say could make it better so I opted on not saying much at all other than I love yous. He didnt cry much, but he sat in deep breaths. His way of crying.

My dad taught me one of the best lessons in my life.

3 minutes. 

5 minutes is to much.

anything less is not enough. 

3 minutes is all you need. 

3 minutes to cry, to curse, to hate, to wonder, to be the best mess you can possibly be.

But that is all you get. 

Its a rule by which I have lived a lot of my life. 

So I sat in bed with hubby for 3 minutes. 

I said sorry and that i loved him and then 

silently sat for 3 minutes. 

What he was feeling was up to him 

what he was thinking was up to him

3 minutes up and I broke the silence. 

"I know your sad, I know your hurt, I know that its painful to face, but right now... you need to be your moms rock. You had your 3 minutes, and now its time to face it." 

And on we went to face to the harsh reality of life. 

She might not be my mom, but I have grown to lover her as such.I dont know how to comfort her. I felt broken listening to her cry. I wanted to hold her tight as she bawled all those feelings out. But instead I sat on the table and watched quietly as Juan picked his mom up from the couch and sat behind her holding her close as she cried.

The bond those two have is something out of this word. 

I had to leave soon after to go to work for thirty minutes. So I gave my good byes and quickly left them to morn. 

Juan left soon after to take his cousin to the airport, leaving his mom with his dad and sister. 

Which is what I came home to. I went for her Favorite drink and then came and sat from a far to just to be there. 

I remember when my uncle died

Tito was young and it was painful to watch but I learned so much of my dad at that time. 

He was the only one able to hold it together. 

My grandpa had gone to Ecuador leaving the rest of us behind. 

making my dad the head of the family in his absence. 

I watched him as he put a brave face on and held my grandma and each of his sisters as they melted to the floor everytime the pain was to much to bare. 

I watched him take each of them aside and give them amazing blessings of comfort.

I watched him talk about his brother and laugh in time of deep sadness. 

He is my hero... There is no greater bravery then what he showed that day. A smile under deep sadness

lose is a hard thing to understand. But we all go through it. We are greatly blessed we have the knowledge of eternal families. 

How great is it that baby Makaila was probably one of those angels there to welcome her home to her Heavenly Father. 

I imagine a little dark haired dark eyed girl with a spirit of happiness as she meet her great grandma and greeted her with a hug and kiss on the check. and with giggles and laughter grabbed her thin figures and lead her home.

I might not have been able to meet her. But I do know that through her a great family ;Diaz de Leon; came to be. That through her I meet my amazing and loving husband and that through her I get to be a part of this loving and happy family and most of all, that through her I will be getting the greatest gift EVER.. baby Makaila. 

Meeting her here on earth would have been amazing. But I am so happy to know that baby Kai now has here uncle Tito and Great tat Luz to watch her and start teaching her what she will need to know here on earth. 

Until we meet 

Loves always 

Yours Truly