Matters of the Heart

HEART BURN!!!! O pain! I had never in my life gotten heart burn before until I got pregnant.(like many other things) And the first time I felt it I cried because I couldnt explain what I felt to hubs. 

He knows how to read me though so he went out and got me a big thing of 

these guys.. 

and ooo how they have helped. 

But the other day it got bad enough that I even tried my mother in-laws 

home remedy...

a bottle of water with a full tablespoon of apple vinegar. 

That is how desperate the situation was. 

These past few days have been no different. Just awful. 

Hubbys and my plan to go to the gym this week feel through. I have had little to no energy  and im feeling a little down this week.. 

I am usually the one to say that it will all work out.. that it will all be ok. Things will figure themselves out.

Hubby gets stressed and I will sit and tell him that somehow it will work out. Somehow it will all fall right into place. And behind his back I panic a little and try to figure out how to fix it. I give myself no chance to stress out like he does. Mostly because I know myself. 

This week though, I just couldnt keep myself in check. 

Im overwhelmed. 

I think that might be an understatement at this point. 

I feel; what I imagine it would feel like; as though I have an elephant sitting on my chest. 

And I have been keeping under check so far but I know a massive break down is around the corner. 

I usually wouldnt tell people about how weak im feeling at the moment,

but given that I am trying to be as honest as possible about this pregnancy experience, 

I am barring it all. 

I wasnt planning on baby yet. And Juan and I had just gotten married. So insurance wasnt even something I had planned on looking at yet, Im a healthy gal. so I didnt give it a second look. Now that im prego and Juan is a student and not working we figured we would apply for Medicaid for the first baby. It hasnt been easy due to the fact that my parents had put the Mazda (their car) and the Ogden house (a house my dad bought) under my name as security for my younger sisters and I in case anything happened to them, I would have assets to raise my sisters with. But they see that as to much under my name. So now I have to do extra paper work. grrr.. 

Work has been... well .... little help for me right now. Im now looking into other jobs, but ill be honest... Although I am not liking my job now.. it was ideal for me.  I could work well baby slept at home with daddy. and I would be able to spend all day with her. Now I have to adjust my plan and rearrange everything depending on what job I am able to find. Most are at 9-5 so I would be gone all day... I didnt think that would be such a problem for me. But now.... Im attached to my girl... The thought that I wont be there for her during that day, well it kills me. But I have to adjust for now. And again... fix the problem. 

And in all this, Juan and I are.... a little of, as far as what we see.. Its just been a little rough of a week. But tomorrow Friday and I will have the weekend to do crafts for baby girl. 

Yours Truly,